Its Been Awhile

I admit it has been a long time since the last time I posted. Almost 2 years. Tons of things have happened since then. Im not going to spend time recapping the last 26 months of my life.

I am a woman who has been hurt. Ive had my heart broken and played with too many times to count. The only thing I have been truly been searching for all these years is love. Love that lets you know you're the most important person in somebody's life. Someone who will love me no matter what is happening in our lives. No matter how bad things are. No matter the drama. No matter the bull shit. I just want nothing more in this world is for somebody to truly love me for me.

I thought I found him. He made me my world spin in another direction. Made my heart speed up when hes around. There was nothing more in this world I wanted was for me to spend the rest of forever. And then he hurt me.

I Just Feel Like...Blah

There are some days when I question if I can keep going on. I lost 3 of the most important people in my life and time has forced me to do something that I feel like I'm not quite ready to do...move on. There are some days when I am perfectly fine and the world seems wonderful and then there are some days where I just want to bury myself in the nearest hole and die. I've told myself so many times that I'm not going to cry for them anymore but somehow the tears fall without me realizing it. I don't cry as hard as I used but I still find myself shedding tears every now and then. I don't cry for the same reasons that I used to right after they died. that was a cry for longing. It was a cry that I prayed was hard enough for a miracle and one of them would come back. It soon became a cry of happiness. I shed tears at their memories, pictures, items, and at the thought of them. I cried not because I wanted them to come back. I've gotten over the fact that they will never come back to me again. I cry because of the things that they are physically missing and all the times that I wanted to run to them for comfort only for reality to hit and realize they aren't there anymore.

Life goes on. Somedays it passes like a warm spring breeze and some days it's like the beginning of the longest blizzard on the darkest night.

Every Woman Wants to Be Loved

Every woman wants to be loved. Emotionally, telling me that you love me and how important I am to you is the greatest thing ever. Self-esteem is vitally important to a woman whether she wants to admit it or not. Physically showing me that you love me is sometimes more important and means more than just saying it. I don't mean having sex all the time because that becomes old and annoying after a while but don't keep me waiting forever. Like a restaurant, if you make me wait too long for a steak, Burger King starts to look tempting. What I mean by physically loving me is simple stuff like:
-Hugs
-Kisses
-Holding my hands while you tell me what I mean to you
-Holding me close
-Cuddling
-Letting me lay my head on you when I'm sleepy
-Playing around
Most importantly,
*FOREPLAY*
Sometimes the most simple things can mean the most.
Until next time, love and be loved.

Another Early Morning Wake-Up

Well...
I did it to myself. I was trying to put the baby to sleep and fell asleep next to him. That was at 8:30 last night. I woke up and saw that the 10:00 News was coming on. I couldn't believe it so I rolled back over and went to sleep. My daughter thought it would be fun to kick my son and that was what woke me up.
That was at 1:30. Found out that the local news has a broadcast at 2:00 a.m.
It's now 3:00 and I'm about to change the channel and watch Steve Harvey. I'll probably make anoth post later.
But the little one is wiggling on the bed so I doubt it but I will try.

I have 9 weeks, 3 days left until my princess is supposed to be here.
Mommy loves you both
JJLF 12/26/13
JNF 05/09/15

I Started My Day Off Weirdly

So...
I woke up at around 3:30 a.m. and could not go to sleep at all. I went to sleep early but not so early. I went to sleep before 11:00 because I never heard the news come on. I woke up and literally crawled out of my bed and sat on my floor. My mind was blank. I had absolutely no plan of what to do when I got down on the floor. To be truthfully honest, I have no idea why I even crawled onto the floor in the first place. Around 4:00, I decided to get up and start cleaning up because I partially destroyed my room last night looking for my notebooks which I'm noticing is missing with a few other things. Anyway, that lasted all of 5 minutes before I became distracted b y of all things, a ball of yarn. yes, I said it, a ball of yarn. I had been working on this shawl thing and after about 4 rows of a very complicated pattern, I had given up on it but never got around to taking it apart. Well, that moment felt like a good time to take it apart. After taking it apart, I decided to roll the yarn into a ball which took roughly 20 minutes. I finally decided to finish cleaning up. At 4:30 I was done. I went to sit in my chair and fall asleep but as anybody with a baby knows: When you've worked hard and are getting ready to rest, is when they decide to start their day. I had just got comfortable and was dozing off when across the room my 14-moth-old son decides to wake up. Whne he got up and realized that Mommy wasn't there, he began to cry. I had to get out of my comfortable chair and get back into the bed with him. he didn't want to roll over so I had to push him. after laying on my arm for about 2 minutes, he smiled and went back to sleep. I was thinking that I had to get up until I realized that it's only 5:15. I have an hour and a half until I have to wake up again. And out I went.

Expounding on my Description

Like I said in my description, I've always wanted to blog because it just seemed like something fun to do. I've read hundreds of blogs for the simple fact that I knit and crochet so I get most of my patterns from blogs. I could never think of anything specific to write a blog about. So I just decided to write random blogs  and then organize them later. Most of my posts will be between jus the random thoughts going through my head at any moment, me venting about something that has irritated me today, or parts of a story that I am writing. More of less, this blog is going to be like a diary. I really hope you enjoy reading this and feel free to comment.

Thanks for Looking,
LovelyChild